I finally saw it

For years now I have been told of the joys of seeing an animal chase it's tail...and today I finally saw it.
I was sitting in the living room watching Growing up Gotti and for some reason Paisley the cat decides to go ape shit and wip her tubby little body around into circles in a patehtic attemp to eat her own tail. This little nugget of fur and wiskers was spinning around so fast, she looked like a Gavatron. I almost choaked on my taco.

Is-ums. Definitions (if any) and use in a sentance.

100million for a penny- Damn cheap. "You can buy like a hundred million for a penny."
Business- This can mean anything really. A person, place or thing...a noun if you will. "Business!" "Would you just look at that business..." "What is this business?" and so on.
Give me the shit, I got the crap- Hand over that object because I need it to be used with the object I have. "Give me the shit (the money to purchace goods or services), I got the crap ( the identification to purchace said goods or services.)
Nut Sucker- A derogatory statement said to someone you don't like to much. One who sucks nuts or balls. "you nut sucker."
What the shit- A question much like 'what the hell' or 'what the fuck'. "What the shit is the matter with that jackass?"
Special repicy- Any food that can have a narcotic additive. "Hey Zeke, are those special repicy browinies done yet?"
Altoids- Normally known as a breath mint, known to us as condoms. "This guy has enourmous business, I'm gonna need an altoid." "Robin, we need Altoids."
Happy Toot- Two short car horn toots. "He is hot, give em a happy toot."
Knees bending backward- A state of intoxication. "I was so (insert state of intoxication here), my knees were bending backward."
Ba-gillion- Very many. "I don't need to purchace another, I have a ba-gillion at home as they were on sale for a hundred million for a penny."
Ba-jeezus- n/a. "That scared the ba-jeezus out of me."
It's true- A correct statement or observation. "That girl looks like a crack whore. It's true."
Kak- Penis. "I am on a cack hunt." "I need some cack."
Whats your beef patty?- What is the matter, issue, problem? "Whats your beef patty?"
Are ya new/simple?- A statement/question made after someone has done something stupid. "I saw that trip ya took up the stairs. Are ya new?"
Mickey Mouse ordeal- A lame event. "Hey Pete, did ya hear about that girl getting fired for not being perfect? Yeah Frank, what a Mickey Mouse ordeal."
Cheese 'n Rice- Normally a food, said fast enough it sounds like Jesus Christ. "Cheesenrice".
Is your ass hungry?- A wedgie. "Is your ass hungry?" "No, why?" "Because it's eating your pants."
Porbe- Normally a type of sports car made by The Ford Motor Company, we use it here as an insult, to suggest one is an anal probe, or a quick way to obtain a laugh. "You are such a probe."
Hang Out With Your Wang Out- In a relaxed state with penis exposed. " Ya got big plans tonight Ralph? Nope...just gonna hang out with my wang out."
Rock Out With Your Cock Out- see above.
Flash Your Gash- To expose ones vagina in a quick fashion. "Flash me your gash before I go to bed."

This blog will be updated as more is-ums come into play.

I need a job

So I was fired from a restaurant chain that will remain nameless...(eat my ass fresh bitches) last Tuesday because...get this shit..."I'm not a prefect employee." Yes ladies and gentleman, that was the reason they gave me...because I'm not prefect. My manager at the time said the owner only wants perfect employees and I was ringing things up incorrectly. I told them upon hire that I am dyslexic...so mistakes are gonna happen with me. Guess they are not an EOE after all.

Apparently leaving the front door unlocked and the safe wide open is perfect...as the asst. mgr. did one night after closing...or calling the monterey chedder bread, monetary bread (it's an expensive sandwich since the bread is made from money) as the asst. mgr of another store did and still dose. Perfect indeed.

Trust no one...Even your grandmother lies!

So as I was up home suprising my mother for her birthday, Nov 15th, I voulnteered to decorate my grandma's house for Christmas. Now she is the kind of person who throw NOTHING away. Her tupperware consists soley of Kool Wip containers, take-out styrofoam, tin foil she washes and reuses, and ziplock baggies, so you can understand my shock and awe when she agreed to purchase a new Christmas tree. It's a nice tree. 7 1/2 feet tall and slender. It has those branches that fold up... you don't have to match those damn colored tags to the colored slots...anyway, as I was shaping the branches and my mother was sitting on the living room floor wrapping ribbon around a wreath, grandma says to us, "Now if Tom (grandpa) asks, this is your tree Debber (my mother, whose name is actually Debra) Ma looks at me and we giggle. I ask her why she wants to hide the fact that she got a great $70 tree on sale for $50 at Hobby Lobby that Grandpa won't have to take apart into 90million pieces in a few months. She looks at me and said, get this..."I don't know." Now why in the hell not? So Grandpa gets home and for some freak of nature reason notices the tree right away and asks, "did we get a new tree?" Grandma says "no, thats Debbers tree." "Oh" he says and makes his way to the bedroom to catch a bit of the game.

I call this little ditty...Music ya need to hear before ones death.

So as I have moved from small town Iowa (don't laugh or I'll break your legs and make it look like an accident) to semi big city Iowa (see insert above), I have been introduced to a whole new world of Music. This isn't anything new to the world, just new to me. I have gotten into Lounge music lately and I will thank Ryan, the guru of all music gurus, for this one. Acid Lounge, Stereo Sushi and Hed Kandi http://www.hedkandi.com are absolutely fantastic. They are a compilation of great tracks from here and there across the globe...mainly Europe, so you know its damn good. 45Dip, found here http://www.45dip.com which pretty much is Acid Lounge deserves a big round of applause for being absoultely brilliant. They themselves are top notch. Praful is also a favorite. They have a very chilled out sound. You can listen to the album "One Day Deep" at http://www.pryful.nl I highly recommend checking it out. St.Germain was brought to me by a dear friends boyfriend. I about peed when their smooth vibrations came thumping from the speakers. Now for the epitome of lounge music, I give you Dino. Yes ladys and gentlemen, thats right. Dean Martin. The king of cool. Now I know what may be running through that little hamster wheel you call a noodle..."but Jesika, my parents/grandparents listen to him when they were my age," and to that I say BAH! Dino is the man...well at least up until Christmas 1995...but that mans voice still lives on in many recent movies and adverts. Check him out!